BREAKING: rhyssucks.fail has outlasted the Confederacy

01/19/24

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Rhys Sucks!

Local resident sucks a lot

January 11, 2020

It has just been discovered that Rhys, a local resident, sucks a lot. There are many reasons why they suck. Scientists are perplexed at the fact that a singular person could suck so much. Local residents were interviewed about Rhys. Many of them broke down into tears after finding about Rhys. After finding out about Rhys, one local resident tweeted the following:

just found out about rhys pic.twitter.com/XxpMKoBwGm

— great value absinthe (@CircleKPolarPop) November 15, 2019

Recently, a survey asked every American (living or dead) their opinions on whether Rhys sucked. 75% of Americans said that Rhys does indeed suck, while 25% of Americans also said that Rhys sucks.

Scientists are working to understand how Rhys can suck so much. The federal government is also investigating how much Rhys sucks, with a congressional report due next week. In the mean time, 23 states have issued a state of emergency in response to Rhys. Residents are advised to stay in their homes in order to cope with the pain of finding out about Rhys.

For More Information Contact:

Charles Entertainment Cheese
[email protected]
Tel: (420) 666-6969
FAX: (420) 666-6969